I froze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It wasn\u2019t just because of Iv\u00e1n\u2019s lyrics, nor because of the direction in Las Joyas, nor even because of the threat hidden in that last sentence. It was because of the way it all fell into place, like pieces of a puzzle you\u2019ve had in front of your face for years without wanting to see it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My dad closing the coffin without allowing my mom to look.
My dad avoiding the cemetery.
My father always saying that the dead should rest.
My dad changing the subject every time I mentioned Iv\u00e1n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For eight years, I believed that these things were born of pain. Yesterday, sitting in the car with the air turned off and my hands soaked with sweat, I understood that perhaps they were born out of fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked at the time on the board.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
11:07 p.m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had twenty-three minutes left to decide whether I was about to walk into a trap or into the truth that had been stolen from us for almost a decade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My first impulse was to mark my mom. Tell him everything. Get her out of the house. Put her in the car and take her with me. But I reread the note: \u201cIf Dad finds out before you hear me, Mom is in danger.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It didn\u2019t say \u201cwe run.\u201d It said \u201cmom.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That scared me more than everything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because it meant that Ivan wasn\u2019t thinking about him first. Not even in me. I was thinking about her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And if he was alive after eight years, if he had worked who knows how long in hiding, if he had asked me to be silent with that desperation in his eyes\u2026 then it could not be a whim. There was something big, something dirty, something that was still breathing under the roof of my house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I put the note in my bra, as if someone could snatch it from me, and started the car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The streets of Le\u00f3n at that time have a strange sadness. They are not completely empty, but they are not alive either. I passed through avenues with traffic lights changing for no one, through taco stands lifting the last pots, through motorcycles with two boys without helmets, through couples leaving cafeterias that were still oblivious to the fact that my world had just opened up in a canal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I drove to Las Joyas, I thought about the last time I saw Ivan \u201cbefore I died.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was twenty-two years old. I seventeen. We had argued over a silly thing, I think over my dad\u2019s car. He wanted to take him to Silao to see some friends and I told him that he was irresponsible, that he was always involved in strange things. I remember perfectly because that was the last time I spoke to him angrily. He laughed, pulled my braid and said: \u201cAlready mature, dwarf.\u201d Hours later came the call of the alleged accident. After that everything was smoke, sedatives for my mother, neighbors coming and going, prayers, paperwork, silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Silence, above all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I took the detour to Las Joyas and felt my stomach close. That colony had always seemed like another world to me. Poorly paved streets, half-built houses, skinny dogs, businesses with graffitied metal curtains. Mar de Plata 118 was a narrow house, with a faded green fa\u00e7ade, with a yellow light flashing next to the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I parked half a block early.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I turned off the car and checked in the rear-view mirror. No one seemed to follow me. Even so, I stood there for almost a whole minute, breathing hard, repeating to myself that if it was really Ivan on the other side of that door, I had been waiting for this moment for eight years without knowing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I went downstairs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The street smelled of dampness, burnt grease and recent garbage. A television was blaring in a neighboring house. I knocked twice, just as he had done with his knuckles so many nights in my bedroom window when he was late and didn\u2019t want to wake my parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I played again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The door opened just a few inches and half a face appeared behind the security chain. The scar on his chin, the dark eyes, the tense jaw.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ivan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My brother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My legs buckled. I didn\u2019t cry right away. It was worse. It was as if the body did not know what to do with something so impossible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He glanced over his shoulder at me quickly, checking the street.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you coming alone?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSure?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He took off the chain and pulled me inside with an urgency that frightened me more than it reassured me. He closed with two locks, drew a thick curtain, and only then did he look at me again as if he could afford to recognize me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We stood face to face in a small room with an old sofa, a plastic table and a fan making a dry, insistent noise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was the first to speak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll bury you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My voice broke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He closed his eyes for a second, just like in the OXXO.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMom cries for you every month.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His throat moved, but he said nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I did cry. Not pretty. Not a soap opera. I cried ugly, with anger, with shame, with the years stuck coming out suddenly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hit him in the chest with both fists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhere were you?!\u201d What the fuck is wrong with you?! How could you do this?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He let her beat him. He did not defend himself. He just endured, as if he had been waiting for eight years for someone to do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cForgive me,\u201d he said at last, in a broken voice that did not know him. Forgive me, Sofi. But I didn\u2019t die because they didn\u2019t let me die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That slowed me down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I put my hands down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He ran a hand over his face and pointed to the chair in front of the table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSit down.\u201d And please, for whatever you want, don\u2019t raise your voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn\u2019t sit down right away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFirst tell me something. Why can\u2019t I tell Dad?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The answer did not take a second.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause Dad knows I\u2019m alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The air in the room turned to glass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sat down without realizing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Iv\u00e1n walked to the kitchenette, poured water into a plastic cup and drank it in one fell swoop. His right arm was more marked, as if he had worked carrying things. Rough hands. The posture of someone who sleeps little and is very suspicious. He was no longer the smiling boy who thought he owned the world. It was something else. Somewhat hardened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe accident did happen,\u201d he began. But I wasn\u2019t alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt a hole in my stomach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWith whom?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWith a friend of dad\u2019s. Or at least that\u2019s what I thought. He asked me to accompany him to Silao to pick up some documents. He told me that it was fast, that Dad already knew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat documents?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ivan let out a bitter laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what I wanted to find out when it started to smell funny. We had a black backpack, locked with a padlock. The guy wouldn\u2019t even let me see her. On the road they followed us. There were shots. The car went off the road. I hit myself in the head. When I woke up, the car was already on fire and the other man was dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My hands froze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo\u2026 the body?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt was him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt like throwing up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut the chain, the watch, your papers\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey took them from me before I took the body out. Dad arrived before the local police finished cordoning off. Or he had someone there. I don\u2019t know. The only thing I know is that when I came back to myself, I was in a house I didn\u2019t know, blindfolded, with a doctor checking on me and dad sitting in front of the bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He said it so dry that it gave me chills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd what did he tell you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ivan looked at me as if he still heard that voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat I was officially dead.\u201d That it was the only way to save us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSave us from what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat that backpack brought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pressed my fingers against my knees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat was inside?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t see her that day. I saw it later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He remained silent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIvan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNotebooks.\u201d Account statements. Copies of transfers. Names. Dates. Payments. A lot of money moving between shell companies, construction companies, political campaigns, police, notaries. A piggery. And also photos. Photos of people entering and leaving the house. From mom. Yours. Mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt a horrible vertigo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDad?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDad had been involved in something bigger than he seemed for years. It was not only the workshop, nor the repair shop, nor its transport \u201cbusinesses\u201d. He laundered money for heavy people, Sofi. And I think he started saving evidence as insurance. To defend themselves. Or to blackmail. I don\u2019t know. But someone wanted to recover that. The man who came with me was going to deliver him. And it didn\u2019t come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I froze, seeing a fixed point on the wall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My father.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The same man who on Sundays grilled meat in the courtyard and complained about the price of lemon. The same one who taught me how to drive. The same one who slept next to my mother while she continued to cry for a son he knew was alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I whispered. No, that can\u2019t\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI also said I couldn\u2019t. Until he showed me the accounts. Until I heard calls. Until I understood that the crash was no coincidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen why didn\u2019t you go to the police?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His gaze changed. She became tough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause the first two policemen I saw in the safe house greeted Dad by name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The fan continued to spin with its monotonous rattle. I felt that everything I thought was firm was rotting all at once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid he have you kidnapped?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ivan took a deep breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014The first months, yes. I changed places. Always with the same story: \u201cIt\u2019s for your good. If they know you survived, they kill you.\u201d I was injured, confused, and besides\u2026 I wanted to believe him. It was my dad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd then?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen he told me that I could start from scratch, but with a different name. It was in his interest that the world should think I was dead. People looking for the backpack also found it convenient. Everyone was a winner\u2026 except mom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My voice broke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you escape?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He held my gaze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause the first time I tried, she sent me a photo of Mom leaving mass and told me that if I did something stupid, she would be the one to pay for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My eyes filled with tears again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSon of\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes,\u201d he murmured. I thought that too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We remained silent. A motorcycle passed outside. In the neighboring house someone laughed loudly. It was unbearable that the world continued normally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen why now?\u201d I asked. Why did you let yourself be seen?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ivan tensed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause something changed two weeks ago. Dad is desperate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause someone asked for the backpack again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked at him without understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut you said he had it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe did. Not anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He leaned over to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBefore I \u201cdied,\u201d I did get to see it. And then, when he hid me, I realized that this mother was the only thing keeping him alive. Your insurance policy. Then one day, when he left me alone for a few hours believing that I was already tamed\u2026 I stole it from him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My jaw dropped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot complete.\u201d The most important thing. A notebook and a memory. I hid them where he would never look.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My head was going too fast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhere?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m not going to tell you yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIvan!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe less you know, the better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It made me want to hit him again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEight years disappeared and you still come to give me orders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey are not orders. It\u2019s fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He said it with such tired sincerity that he silenced me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDad thinks I\u2019m still hiding out of terror. She doesn\u2019t know that I\u2019ve been moving for months, changing jobs, looking for a way to get mom out without setting off alarms. But yesterday one of his old men saw me in the OXXO area. I\u2019m almost sure. That\u2019s why I couldn\u2019t wait any longer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My heart jumped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid they follow us today?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know. I checked three times before opening the door for you. But with him you never know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I got up suddenly and went to the window, barely moving the curtain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The street was still just as sad. A taxi passed slowly. A dog was sniffing a broken bag. Nothing out of place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat do you want us to do?\u201d I asked without turning around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGet mom out of the house tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I turned immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTomorrow?\u201d That is going to raise suspicions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ve already raised them, so that you can see me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut Dad doesn\u2019t know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe still don\u2019t know what he knows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That phrase stuck with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ivan walked over to the table and took out an old knapsack from under the tablecloth. He opened it just to show me a cheap cell phone, some money, a cap, a yellow folder and a thick envelope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot everything is here, but it is enough to start if something happens to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t say that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cListen to me. Tomorrow you\u2019re going to do your normal routine. You\u2019re going to work. You\u2019re going to write to Mom at six to tell her you\u2019re inviting her to dinner. Tell him not to tell Dad. He invents any pretext.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll notice that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYour mom already does things without telling her. Especially when it comes to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had to admit that it was true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd then?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou pick it up. You take it to the parish of San Judas, that of Jardines del Moral. Two people will be waiting for you there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPeople who have not yet sold their souls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t trust that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He let out a humorless laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNeither do I. But I have less confidence in standing still.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I ran both hands through my hair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI need to hear everything, Ivan. You can\u2019t tear me apart and expect me to follow you like when I was ten years old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His expression hardened a little.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m not treating you like a girl. I\u2019m treating you like someone who can still get out of this alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, I\u2019m already inside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That phrase changed something between us. For the first time all night he stopped talking to me as if he were remembering his little sister. She looked at me like a woman up to her neck in the same fire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAll right,\u201d he said at last. Then hear this: Dad didn\u2019t work just for those people. He also recorded them. He kept copies. It had enough to sink them all if one day they tried to get it out of the way. When the car caught fire, they thought everything had been lost. But then someone started looking for me. Not out of affection. Because they suspected that I knew where the backup was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd do you know that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He did not answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was not necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s why Mom is in danger,\u201d I murmured. Because if they don\u2019t find you\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey\u2019re going to put pressure on him. And when a man like dad feels cornered, he doesn\u2019t protect: he sacrifices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I froze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I meant no. That no matter how much of a monster he was, he would never touch his mother. But the image of him closing the coffin, sedating her, leaving her to cry for eight years in front of a false grave, crushed any defense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then a phone rang.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not mine. Not yours hand in hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The cheap cell phone that was inside the backpack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Iv\u00e1n turned white.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWho is it?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He did not answer. He looked at the screen as if a ghost had appeared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIvan?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He showed me the name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
DAD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt like my breath was going out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He did not answer. He let it vibrate once. Two. Three. When it stopped, we were in absolute silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Five seconds later, mine rang.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pulled it out with trembling hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It also said: DAD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Iv\u00e1n took a step back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014No le contestes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But at that same moment another message came in, not from my dad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From my mother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just one line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYour dad has been asking where you are for half an hour. And he just said something very strange about Ivan.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked up at my brother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He no longer had color on his face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And before he could tell me what to do, we heard the noise of a pickup truck braking outside in front of the house.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I froze. It wasn\u2019t just because of Iv\u00e1n\u2019s lyrics, nor because of the direction in Las Joyas, nor even because of the threat hidden in that last… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1649","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1649","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1649"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1649\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1653,"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1649\/revisions\/1653"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1649"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1649"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/myanh.top\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1649"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}